Where have all the cowboys gone?!?!

The rise of the Metrosexual Man 's nothing new, but it's definitely something women appreciate. One word: Manscaping! Has anyone noticed that the younger crowd's getting it all wrong. The new pretty boy trend is taking on a macho/jersey shore/I'm obsessed with myself/ turn for the worst and I am not a fan!!!

If you are more orange from spray tanning than your girlfriend, we have a problem. If your hair product is more pungent than your cologne, we gotsta a problem yo! And if you're still trying to rock the Affliction/Ed Hardy trend or have any sort of bedazzlement on your form fitted shirt, you've been lied to and you need to find new friends cause we have mucho problemos.

So I ask you, from the bottom of my closet, to stop!!! Just stop, walk to your bathroom, take a shower, and don't do anything after (except for maybe some deodorant). Just try it, for the love, put down the straightening iron and hair gel. No more Axe body spray! It doesn't work, the commercials are false advertising and you should never admit that you were suckered in. It's not too late to turn your life around.

The best things in life are free.

Yesterday was my lil black son's birthday. So I should start this post off by wishing Dolce a very happy birthday. My perfect pomeranian is 7, going on 2, which pretty much means he will live forever. For those of you who are overly serious and beg to differ......suck it.

Like everyone else who celebrates the holidays, I cannot believe they are already here. But I have no intention of complaining since just like the holidays, my sister and adorable niece have arrived! They are in town visiting from VA., with my awesome bro-in-law joining us shortly. Having them back in town is just comforting. We're talking better than 'tomato soup and grilled cheese on a rainy day' comforting. I cannot describe the closeness we share, but we def do not need words to communicate what we're thinking. With the wink of an eye or the flash of glare, I know and she knows I know. But the best part of all is when we laugh we laugh HARD.

It's not just my sister and niece that are amazing, my entire family is pretty spectacular. I am so proud to call each and everyone of them family. The holidays always remind me of what I am most grateful for and that I am truly blessed. Here's to health and happiness and that we all remember the best things in life truly are free.

Black Friday or Blackout Friday, you decide

I have never done the black Friday thing. I know, you would think as a professional shopaholic I would love and cherish the crazy day after Thanksgiving extravaganza, but quite the contrary young dove. Professional shopaholics already know the ropes. Black Sunday is for amateurs and actually just throws a kink in the addiction. But this year, I really thought that I just might want to experience the frenzy that is Black Friday. I mean if you really think about it, there are so many ways you can mess with people. Grab stuff out of their carts, running around screaming, plowing into people with shopping carts, just endless opportunities really. But I don't know, sounds kinda like any other shopping day to be honest.

I decided that if I ever attempt the Black Friday shenanigans I will need the following supplies; a support team consisting of choice train wreck friends, matching team outfits (preferably velour jumpsuits that light up), a bottle of vodka, a driver, maybe some ecstasy, and a map of each store. Did I forget anything?

However, until that day actually arrives I shall stick with Blackout Friday, which is a holiday I created years ago. It's a day for those of us looking to commit ourselves to what the holidays should be and are really about, drinking and being merry! Plus, Cyber Monday is so the new Black Sunday.....duh.

A lie is a lie is a lie..........

I consider myself an honest person, probably too honest to be, well, honest. However, I have found that sometimes a little inaccuracy saves a lot of explaining and/or hurt feelings. I mean would you rather hear that someone was sick and couldn't make it to your birthday party, or that they didn't want to put forth the effort in getting ready and didn't make it to your birthday party? I like the first option myself and use it a LOT. Besides, those who brag about being brutally honest usually just get a kick out of the brutality more than the honesty.

I decided to try to avoid stretching the truth since most of those in my life, mainly my family, had began to catch on. The funny thing is that my story telling has actually decreased since I gave up on alcoholism a couple of years ago, but whatev's. However, one thing that I am a firm believer in is that some stories must go on! To reveal the truth would not only be a shame, but an overall let down to those who believe.

So I ask you, what are some half truths you cannot give up? For example: I know my niece believes in a Halloween Fairy. This is due to the fact that my sister slacked and ran out of candy this past Halloween and used all of my nieces as she "will be reimbursed with double the candy and possibly a new kitty tomorrow". This makes me proud of my sissy. You thought quick and also brought a whole new meaning to the Halloween phrase trick o treat!

Surely we can justify half truths to adults when we use them on the kiddies everyday i.e: I have eyes in the back of my head, your face will stay that way, mommy and daddy love each other, etc. Basically what I am saying is I am going to continue with my half truths and you continue with yours. No judgement ;)

I BAH-lieve!!!!!!

Sometimes you just need a little Joel Osteen. Yeah, I'm coming clean. I like Joel Osteen or at least the persona he becomes on stage. He's positive, up lifting, and makes you Bah-lieve!!!! Now don't read into this too much, I am not an organized religion type of girl. And I certainly would never blog about religion as it's terribly serious and well, I'm not.

I BAH-lieve everyone needs some daily inspiration. Mr Osteen's sermons have a calming yet encouraging effect. I understand that with admitting my Osteen obsession I am now subject to constant harassment from my friends, but check it out. "Live and Let God", kinda sounds like a rock song ;)

Quailand

Sometimes when I am bored I like to think of all the rules I would invent if I ruled the world. I have many fabulous plans so if it ever happens, don't worry, I got this.

One law that would go into effect immediately if not sooner will be referred to as the LBD law. That stands for Little Black Dog, not Little Black Dress. Yes, in the Land of Quai, I will require that everyone owns a pet, preferably a dog ;) Why? Well you can look up the stats for yourself. The health and happiness benefits alone from owning an animal is phenomenal. But more importantly, they just make you happy. The love a dog has for their owner is like nothing else. As Sigmund Freud said, "Dogs love their friends and bite their enemies, quite unlike people, who are incapable of pure love and always have to mix love and hate".

I have always been skeptical of anyone who claims to hate animals/pets. It says a lot about them which usually leads me to avoid future contact. In Quailand they would be shipped off to an island with any disregard to the LBD law.

But let's be honest, I love my dog and this is more or less just a reason for me to post pix of him on here. Salud!!!

Tis the season

One thing I love about Utah is the seasons. The beginning of every season is wonderful. Whether it's the leaves changing like now, or the first snow fall, to the new buds a blooming in spring. The new season always brings you back to a time of change. Whether it was going back to school, starting a new job, moving to a new city; seasons will always symbolize a time of change and new beginnings.

Over the past couple of years, a new season is just a new round of clothes for me but not this fall. I have started on with a luxury leather line, Palomino! One of my dreams of working with a luxury fashion line has finally come true and I couldn't be more thankful and happier. So here's to a new season and new beginnings!!!

What if Lewinsky waited 10 years?

After hitting the Matisjahollogan concert last night (I don't like his entourage so I slaughter his name on purpose), I went to dinner with some of my fave's (JG & Meli, Tiani, and Taylor). We were joined by a girl who I am sure was on acid. She managed to make anyone and everyone feel awkward with her crude comments and trashy persona. Now, I am not someone with a huge filter, so when I say crude it's enough to make Lady Gaga blush. I felt bad for her. She was trying so hard. I wanted to give her a hug and tell her, "It's ok. You don't have to put on this act, you're fine. Enjoy the food, and the great conversations you keep interrupting,". But instead, I avoided eye contact and hid behind Tiani (sorry girl).

It got me thinking of the trash trend. You know; Ashley Dupre', Michelle "I salute Hitler and hooked up w America's sweetheart hubbie" McGhee, Tiger's slew of sluts, and anyone who has appeared on a VH1 reality show. It now pays be trash. Not making enough on the pole? Go after a married celeb. Trying to get your modeling career started? Apply for VH1 Rock of Love IV. Being a celebrity mistress almost guarantees you six figures, along with the ultimate revenge. CLASSY.

That brings me to the title; What if Monica Lewinsky waited 10 years? What if the Clinton/Lewinsky scenario played out in 2010? She certainly wouldn't be hiding in the UK. Her ugly purse line would have taken off (yikes), and should would have been considered smart, not insane, for saving her filthy dress as evidence. It made me feel for Ms. Lewinsky, along with the Acid Tripper. It also made me pray and hope that the trash trend is almost over. It's been played out people. Let's get back to focusing on what people do for a living vs. who they do!

Excuses, Excuses, Excuses.....

As the queen of "excuses", I always appreciate hearing creative get out of jail free lines. A way to soften the blow, if you will. Although I have never actually been stood up on a date, I have had a couple of lame excuses used on me. To be honest, I actually like hearing them. I am shocked I don't get more thrown my way. I never take it personal and find it more comical since I am the 'Excuse Queen' and constantly using them to get out of dates, dinners, and anything that ends in shower. The excuse I heard this week in Denver with my drop dead gorgeous girl Mindy was something blog-worthy.

"Hey darlin, so I just got home from work and my dog has gotten into my fishing gear. It looks like she might have swallowed some fish hooks. I have to take her to the vet for some X-Rays. Probably won't be able to make it out to show you girls around but text me tomorrow".

Men tend to suck at excuses and should stick to straight up lying (there is a difference). For one, anytime a guy sends a text message that is longer than one sentence you should always be suspect. They are either lying or gay. Second, my general rule of thumb for excuses is never using sickness of a family member, friend, or pet as an out. It's just bad karma. This excuse dragged his innocent dog and a hobby into it. Now they are both jinxed (good one dude, good one). And finally, pick and choose when you really need to use an 'excuse'. My girl and I had just asked for a good place to go to brunch as we were from out of town, nothing more. Don't waste good excuses on people unless you are planning on seeing them again. Period, end of story.

Dating 101

Today I received a text message from a dude I dated ever so briefly, we'll call him Ken Doll. His text read as follows, "Join my pyramid (scheme). You don't have a job. You need $ $". Keep in mind Mr. Doll has been hitting me up for booty calls recently which I have yet to respond to. The booty call requests are coming in even after I pulled the classic Jr. High, "let's just be friends" card a loooooooong time ago. He clearly suffers from selective memory loss. Anyways, I think Ken and 75% of all dudes out there need to take a dating 101 class and read "She's just not that into you" which I am working on now. But until it is complete, I would like to offer the following advice;

1) When a girl tells you she sees you only as a friend, that doesn't mean to try back in a week

2) If a girl (or anyone for that matters) doesn't respond to your first three text messages, that certainly doesn't mean you should send another five.

Last but not least.....

3) Never, ever ask a girl to join "your pyramid". Besides the obvious (desperate, pathetic, loss of respect for oneself), you really need to question what you're doing in a pyramid scheme and get a 5 day plan going.

I BELIEVE!!!!

When I resigned from my job a couple of months ago, I thought I would be a lot closer to figuring out what I want to be when I grow up by now. Truth is, one of the few items I have figured out is that I don't want to figure it out. I don't want to waste any more of my life worrying about months end, hitting quota, and rushing towards the never ending finish line. So my dear friends/amigos, it is time to admit (just like most of you do every week in AA after a binger), I am turning over a new leaf. I am living in the present moment.

I have never been one of those to post updates like, "I'm so thankful for _____" or "I am blessed because of _____", messages on Facebook. I have not been a huge believer in vision boards, rocks, or whatever the Secret is preaching. Things will not magically appear because you cut them out of a magazine and glued them on a board. Pah-lease. I for one save all my believing for Unicorns and Santa Claus cause really, why wouldn't I?

But back to my new way of life. The living in the present lifestyle could also be described as the hippie/buddhist/Eckhart Tolle way of life. For example; Most of you have noticed my hair has more volume these days and is quite shiny. That can be attributed to the hippie lifestyle, I wash my hair like once a week. The rest is really just a mind set. So I would like to jump up to Step 8 (for my AA amigos) and apologize in advance for living in the now. This means I do not make plans, commitments, or buy gifts (as that would involve planning). This also means I don't think about what might happen if I shoplift, or have a baby, because I am living in the moment and not cluttering my mind with future dealings.

I appreciate your understanding and look forward....oh wait, I'm living in the present so I can't look forward (or backwards), well just thanks for understanding! Bear hugs to all and keep in mind I might be selling a child soon!